Don't Cut the Bad Scene! Revise!!!

Half of a Yellow Sun: A Study in Narrative Balance and Other Thoughts

Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time. -Georgia O’Keeffe

Greetings, dear reader!

Do you ever look at a section of your writing and get so bored you don’t even take in what you’ve written?

For a long time, when this happened to me, I’d select and delete in a fit of pique. THIS SUCKS! I’d scrawl on my draft, and then delete the entire scene in my next edit of the Word manuscript.

Now I know the problem isn’t necessarily the scene. The problem is in my sentences, my pacing, and often the balance between four narrative elements: Action, Dialogue, Description (of landscape, of what the narrator sees/feels/hears/smells/tastes) and Interiority.

Some writers prefer action, but they take too seriously the Hemingway-esque approach of show-don’t-tell. Without Hemingway’s careful (slow) pacing, these writers barrel through an adventure at the speed of a car chase, which is fine if we are seeing and feeling the effects of being within a car chase. But problematic if all we get is the equivalent of Then there was a car chase.

Others privilege interiority above all else, and this is usually my error. I can write ten pages of what my character is thinking and remembering (REMEMBERING IS DANGEROUS! See future post I will write on Info Dumps and Backstory). I remember reading Kazuo Ishiguro’s Remains of the Day and feeling vindicated—see? The narrator’s just driving around remembering stuff! Oh, but the stuff our Butler remembers. I remind myself that when I win the Nobel prize, I’ll know I’m writing well enough to get away with that. For now, not so much.

In my latest blog post, I analyze a scene from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Half of a Yellow Sun, underlining the sentences that convey action or movement in red ink, and the scenes that convey interiority in blue; dialogue was underlined in green. The scene in question happens right after the protagonist Olanna––a member of Nigeria’s elite––has married her long-time boyfriend Odenigbo, a Univeristy professor. Odenigbo’s mother has a maid named Amala. Olanna has just returned from London, and while she was gone, Odenigbo slept with Amala. (The reader knows this from the previous chapter, which was narrated from the perspective of Ugwu, Odenigbo’s houseboy—he saw Amala come out of Odenigbo’s bedroom in a loose wrapper and a guilty expression.)

This scene has a huge emotional impact in part because of its subject—infidelity is a huge betrayal of the love and commitment of these two characters. But the structure and balance of the scene had me holding my breath as I read, watching the three characters move around each other, with Olanna’s consciousness at the center. Ugwu, though not narrating, seems also to be holding his breath, as the reader knows that Ugwu witnessed the evidence of the betrayal. We see the knowledge dawn on Olanna in a mysterious way; she puts clues together, she “reads” Odenigbo and Ugwu and the situation to conclude the truth. Because we get the thoughts parsed out between layers of dialogue and action, we experience the dawning along with Olanna, even though we know what happened already. We feel the weight in Olanna’s chest; we sit with her and witness the carnage of the baby chick, and we feel as helpless as she does. This is drawn out so that our emotions can bloom along with Olanna’s, so that we too, at the end of the passage, are released as she is: “Then, finally, she started to cry” (p.280). (To read the full essay––and the scene––go here. )

Here’s a challenge for you: Look at the sentences in your prose and see how the balance is between action, interiority, dialogue and description. Are they delightfully balanced?

And follow me on Instagram and TikTok if you like this kind of thing.

nerissand

A post shared by @nerissand

Nerissa Recommends

On my bookshelf: A rare and out-of-print book our friendly poet Michael Mercurio lent me called Music: What Happened, written by musician Scott Miller. I’m also reading another book about the dissolution of the music industry called Appetite for Self-Destruction: The Spectacular Crash of the Music Industry in the Digital Age, by Steve Knopper. I bought Big Swiss and Bee Sting, so I have something to look forward to!

Tom and I just watched Poor Things, which I adored and celebrate, though it is a little more than R-rated. Viewer beware! And if you enjoyed it, please write to me and share your favorite moments. The acting by Emma Stone, Willem Dafoe, Mark Ruffalo and Ramy Youssef, is so impressive and moving, and it’s clear that they’re working together as a team, as one thing.

The Most Important Writing Exercise I’ve Ever Assigned by Rachel Kadish

I was so heartbroken to learn of the death of Karl Wallinger (World Party, The Waterboys) that I can’t even write about him yet. But if you want to hear a fantastic song, I’d start with this:

Studio Spotlight on Cheryl Rezendez

Tom and I had the great fortune to catch Cheryl’s show at Gallery A3 in Amherst before it closed. Cheryl has written a memoir about her experience caring for her mother and husband as they each suffered with dementia, and because she is a brilliant textile artist as well as a brilliant writer, she captured the experience through a series she named The Dance of Dementia. Here is a photo I took from the show:

Artwork by Cheryl Rezendez

Adirondack Retreat June 21-23, 2024

The weekend retreat in Keene NY will be June 21-23. Come write with me in the high peaks! Retreat includes delicious home-cooked meals, the best views in the world, and lots of time to write. Six spots available.

Summer Writing Camp AKA September Back-To-School Writing Camp

This year’s Weeklong Retreat will be encroaching on Autumn, so I’m re-christening it “September Back-To-School.” It’s going to be the week of September 17-22. In-person with remote option. People, we get SO much done and have so much fun during this seven-day camp for grown-ups (or “grow-up adjacents). This is a fantastic opportunity to delve deeply into an existing project, work on a phD thesis, start a children’s book, edit and revise, or just revel in the community of writers, the beautiful surroundings, the quiet, the on-going discussion of writing and literature. Poets work on chapbooks, novelists see new ways of solving plot problems, and memoirists tackle that difficult section they’ve been wrestling with for years. There are spaces for songwriters to compose in private rooms; there are indoor and outdoor spaces to curl up in and write to your heart’s content. All group discussion will be shared on Zoom. Lunch will be served daily, and it’s yummy.

You can come for the entire week, or just a day or two. Pro-rated option is here, and six-day option is here.

Blessings to you all. my dears! Thank you for reading!
Love, Nerissa

Me last night at Chicago’s Old Town School of Folk, where I performed with Katryna Nields. She took this pic of me with my hero Bobby D. during his Desire period (I think…)