I Write By the Light at the Bottom of the Swimming Pool
On when to publish and when to revise, November Retreat and more!
To go in the dark with a light is to know the light.
To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,
and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,
and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.
-Wendell Berry, “To Know the Dark”
Dear Writers and Readers,
I’ve been working on my series of books about the family folk-rock band The Big Idea for twenty-three years, and they’re still not ready to be published.
Sometimes I think I just need to accept what they are given my technical limitations, and let the world see them anyway.
But they are improving. That’s the rub.
If my job is to accept the things I cannot change but have the courage to change the things I can, then wisdom tells me not to give up five minutes before the miracle happens.
I realized at my most recent retreat (see pictures below!) that I’ve been beating myself up with a false narrative—that I’ve essentially been writing the same book for twenty-three years with no “success.”
The truth is, the initial draft of that book, finished in 2005, has become three distinct but interconnected novels.
Also, I published three other books during that same time period, and wrote and released ten CDs worth of music. Plus a ton of poems, essays, stories and blog posts. Oh, and two kids, now––mostly––successfully raised up.
I’ve been in such a hurry with these books, feeling ashamed that they aren’t finished. When can I buy your novel? people are always asking me. I grimace, usually call out my inner perfectionist, say some other self-effacingly mean thing about myself.
I pathologize my process.
I don’t act as my own best PR person.
Here’s the truth: patience and slowing down have always been the keys to real success in my writing.
Once, my parents had a swimming pool, surrounded by trees. It was more like a pond than what you probably think of as a nice clean blue swimming pool. We girls had to take turns with a long-poled pool skimmer, scooping out the decayed leaves which lingered on the surface before sinking to the bottom and plugging the drain.
The best thing about having a pool surrounded by trees was skinny dipping on hot Virginia nights. The pool had beautiful round glowing lights, which in my memory, were inlaid around the sides of the pool.
When I get still and check in, I see this light at the very bottom of my soul, like a pool light at the lowest point, where the drain usually is. It’s fixed and still and eternally glowing. It’s in me but it’s not me. It is very young, like a small child, but it’s also pure and wise. My only job is to keep from dumping things onto it to hide it from view. It needs to be visible so that I can SEE. Otherwise, my broken prioritizer takes over and I race around attending to urgency instead of what really matters.
To extend the metaphor, in order for me to write my best, I have to keep that light clear so that it can shine out of me.
When I revise, I have new ideas and new scenes, but I also have some great older scenes that I don’t necessarily want to chuck. Some of those scenes are like bearing walls in the structure of my book.
The problem is, if I’m moving too fast, or if I’m mad at myself for taking forever to write these novels—which is the yoozhe—I will do one or more of these things:
-I will cut the bearing wall because I’m so sick of staring at that paragraph—it’s boring now because it isn’t new.
-I will keep some darling that is particularly well-written and/or that I have labored over diligently for years, even though it no longer makes any sense in the new ideas and/or scenes I’ve written.
-OR WORST! I will decide that I love that particular darling so much that I will consciously or unconsciously kind of write my way toward said darling in order to justify its place in the book.
Do you see why I need to stop so often to reflect by the light at the bottom of the pool?
Which is why I love retreats! What every writer needs: time and space to find the patience to write what lies under the surface.
ASK ME ANYTHING!
On Monday October 14, I’ll be hosting a virtual open house/Q&A: Nerissa’s Instagram & Facebook Live Open House Ask Me Anything Event at 7pm.
Tune in to learn more about November’s retreat and ask questions in real time! The conversation will be followed by a virtual reading for all members of Morning Seeding & Tending.
Here are some pictures of our September retreat, which was sold out with a waiting list. We had fourteen writers over the course of six days, and it was pure magic to get to hear the beauty, humor, growth and artistry that emerged.
KALI RETREAT NOVEMBER 8-10!
As the equinox ushers in the darker half of the year, we begin to feel Scorpio’s influence, a time for deep transformation and self-exploration. This is Kali’s season—an opportunity to confront our fears and embrace change. Scorpio is about going deep, facing what we often avoid: our fears of not being enough, of loss, of limitation. But when we sit with these fears, we emerge stronger, with a new clarity.
Kali, the fierce Hindu goddess of time and destruction, embodies this energy. She’s not a gentle or refined goddess—she’s raw, with her tongue out and a necklace of skulls, showing us that death, decay, and the passage of time are necessary for renewal. Like the autumn leaves falling to the ground, she reminds us that what dies eventually nourishes what’s to come.
Our time is limited, and within that framework, we make choices that shape our lives. Kali teaches us to honor those choices and to recognize the potential for rebirth, even in the midst of endings.
So come on in for my Autumn Kali Retreat, November 8-10, either in person at Little Blue or virtually. Together, we’ll write, sharing deeply and exploring our inner Kali. By the end, you’ll feel refreshed, renewed, and connected to your writing in a powerful new way.
If you attend in person, I’ll also feed you delicious, healthy meals to sustain your creative energy.
AND if you register by October 15, you’ll get a free month of Morning Seeding & Tending!
This is just what the NaNoWriMo writer and/or the 30 Poems in November poet needs in this big month of writing. I hope to see you here.
Morning Seeding & Tending Is Turning Two, and We’re Celebrating With a Live Reading!
Join us to see what greatness lurks within our Zoom squares! Virtual reading is on Monday October 14 at 7:30pm, following Nerissa’s Instagram & Facebook Live Open House Ask Me Anything Event at 7pm.
Morning Seeding & Tending is a low-stress, high-joy, no-share writing and accountability group meeting on Zoom, Monday-Fridays, 10-11am Eastern. We start with a brief greeting, a prompt (emailed to members), and set our intentions in the chat. Cameras and sound are usually off while writing. Arrive late or leave early—no problem. The room stays open after 11 for those who want to keep writing. Attend daily, weekly, or whenever you can.
After signing up, you’ll get a welcome email and a Zoom link that changes monthly. The month begins whenever you start payments.
By website, it's $25 per month. This is a great way to try it out.
By Ko-Fi subscription, it's $20 per month, with automatic payment (like Patreon). This is by far the most common way to subscribe. AND if you join in the month of October, you’ll get $20 off the Kali retreat if you sign up for that, too!
By becoming a founding member (Wind Beneath Owl’s Wings) of my Substack, it's $240 which comes out to $20 per month.
Best of all? You can start right now! And I’ll even send you a sticker!
